Life With Goblins

We have been very fortunate, in the 4.5 years of parenthood we have clocked in thus far, to not have had to deal with the dreaded “stomach flu.”  Our kids have been hosts of colds and flus aplenty- but not the dreaded pukefest.  The stomach flu is not the flu, or a type of flu, rather it is in the family of Noroviruses.  These lovely little germs spread very quickly (usually oral/fecal) and especially love our kids as they are not the cleanliest group of humans.

In early December, our youngest, who is now two, threw up all over mommy.  A wonderful, projectile, spewed across the span of 3 feet right onto mommy’s lap.  Joy.  Merry Christmas.  ’Tis the season.  Jolly good times.  I hoped it was just the precursor to the common cold, as toddlers will often throw up before a cold sets in.  Instead, we had about 4 days of throwing up every 6 hours (which wasn’t so bad), and of course, a diarrhea diaper 1-2 times a day.

So for any first-timers out there, here are some tips.  First, this is one time it is actually good to go visit the good doctor.  You want to be sure it’s not something else.  For example, did they swallow a foreign object, is there a more worrisome virus in the community, appendicitis, etc.  The doctor can rule just about everything out from a simple exam.  Even touching base via phone is good.  When you have children who are too young to communicate their symptoms well, a doctor can provide a reassuring diagnosis.

Second, drape all your nice furniture in old blankets.  This will protect it from those quick projectile deliveries.  They will happen, trust me.  Roll up any rugs in the main play area as well.  It’s really not fun cleaning up puke.  If you have carpet, place old sheets wherever you can in the main area your child spends most of their time.  Keep in mind this is for the younger infant and toddler aged child who isn’t able to predict when they will vomit.  For a 3+ child, get a large bucket.  They can keep this close to them, and makes it easy to clean for you.  Our four year old son developed his symptoms about 3 days after his sister was over hers.  He was quite proud of his precision aiming into the bucket!

Keep them on a bland diet.  Bananas.  Cereal.  Crackers.  You get the idea.  To my surprise, our pediatrician said no water!  He said it can upset the stomach even more due to the minerals.  He also did not recommend the pediatric versions of gatorade.  He said they taste horrible and kids usually won’t drink them!  So he said just give them as much of adult sports drinks that they want.  So we did, and it kept them both happy and well hydrated.

At night time, since we co-sleep, on her side of the bed I placed a towel down and a sheet over it.  This would protect the bed and sheets from any incidents during the night.  I’d rather replace a towel that remake the entire bed.  I also placed a large sheet on her bedroom floor.  I was able to wake up as she woke up, and quickly move here there to puke than in the bed.  She refused to puke in a bucket, so old sheets were the only option.

Also, wash your hands A LOT.  Clean towels, sheets, clothes with Clorox2.  Clorox2 is a great laundry detergent as it will kill most bacteria and viruses, and it’s color safe.  Use hot water in the cycle.  Bleach the puke bucket after every puke.  This prevents mommy and daddy from getting it too!  We escaped it, thankfully.

Finally, give them lots of loves, keep a chart of the puking and pooping.  Also watch carefully for how often they urinate. Being aware of their hydration is very important.  Keep track of wet diapers and ask the older children to let you know when they urinate.  Dehydration can be dangerous.  Reassure them that we have all gone through this, it’s a normal part of life. That goes a long way, as does a sense of humor!  Our four year old loved the puke in the bucket game.  :-)

Thanks for reading! Remember, this too shall pass!

Disclaimer:  This article is based on my experience only and is not a replacement for advice from your physician.

I am a firm believer that babies and toddlers should be allowed night feedings until the 14-24 month range.  Yes, I know this means lost sleep for mum and dad- and many of those parents are already exhausted and stressed to their maximum capacity. My reasons include nutritional needs, biological drive, teething comfort, and bonding.

It seems many parents are eager to wean from night feedings as early as 4 months these days, and I have no idea how one would accomplish this.  Since I co-sleep with our little ones until they are ready for more independence (2ish), it is very easy for me to do night feedings.  No walking down a long dark hallway for me at night.

Through the journey of 2 kids, I have these observations and experiences.

Calories:  According to many pediatricians in our circle, a chubby baby/toddler is an important sign. When cold and flu season roles around, it can take just one nasty virus to shed those baby pounds, which is nature’s way of protecting them.  Back-up calories when they aren’t willing to eat or simply can’t because they’re so miserable.  Several pediatricians who I know have commented on how young babies and toddlers are so thin from weaning too soon (at night or all together).   It makes no difference if you’re breastfeeding or bottle, they need the calories.  They are also growing rapidly. Height, muscle, bone density, teeth are shifting, brain development, etc.  The first three years of a child’s life are the most crucial to their overall development- they need these calories.  Our pediatrician has been one for 30 years- he knows more about kids than any person or book I’ve encountered in my life- and he’s always right- with shocking accuracy.

Nutritional:  Toddlers can be picky eaters.  Formula or breast milk is packed with nutrition.  They need the vitamins and minerals.

Teething/Illness:  I have found that night feedings are a great way to soothe a grumpy, teething baby.  It’s comforting, and also reassuring to have mom or dad close during that painful time.  If your little one develops a cold or flu, it’s also a great way to keep them hydrated and the calories they need that they may be lacking due to lack of appetite from an illness.  My rule of thumb is the first 2 winters should be bottle/breast day and night at their request (set a schedule-you get my drift).  It makes those colds and flus much easier on everyone.

Biological Drive/Bonding:  Little ones need the closeness.  Why on earth would we want them to be pushed into solid foods/no night time feedings when they are so young?  Let them be babies! This is the time they get to gaze into your eyes, snuggle, feel safe and secure, and learn how to love another person.  It’s the time they get your undivided attention.  It’s supposed to be this way.  Babies and toddlers are programmed to wake up every 2-4 hours the first 2 years of life for this purpose and also as a built in biological reset button- keeps them breathing normally, etc.  Nature has designed babies the way they are for a reason.  When we attempt to alter that, it can lead to problems.

I know a couple who just had their first baby, and as usual, it’s a handful.  It seems like the first one keeps you up all day and night because, as first timers, the parents are bewildered by the experience of this new little life.  The little one is only sleeping 10-12 hours a day- much too little for a 5 month old.  Out of last resort they decided to try the “Ferber Method” (don’t get me started).  Fortunately, they didn’t have to do much, it was just a matter of them needing to go into their baby’s room and settle it again, rather than picking it up to feed it every time it stirred.  So everyone is getting a bit more sleep now.

I desperately wanted to just tell them- “It is what it is!  Stop trying to find a solution and accept that this is how babies are!” They keep you up at night, they make messes, they scream, they poop, some are fussy, they can ruin your social life, etc. Despite all of these things, it will pass.  Then you will enter a new stage.  It might be a nice stage, or worse yet.  You never know what they will send your way.

Our daughter, Goblin #2, is now 20 months and has been throwing screaming fits since she was 8 months old.  Actual temper tantrums.  Her scream can be so shrill that it’s physically painful to everyone in the room.  Lucky for her she’s super cute.  Finally, at 20 months, she is outgrowing it.  It’s like someone flipped a switch, and she just stopped.  She also stopped teething.  There’s usually a connection, to whatever stage they are in, and you simply have to remember: it will pass.  Yet so often “these days” I see parents who don’t want having children to alter their “lifestyle” or feel compelled to “find a solution.”

Our now four year old has been going through a horrible, and I mean horrible stage since last spring.  He is sassy, grumpy, and  has meltdowns.  The “terrible twos” finally got him.  Yet, this is the time he learns from us, that we love him and will establish the same boundary over and over and over again until it sinks into his psyche that there is the good choice and the bad choice.  Which one should I make?  Hopefully, he will learn to make the good ones.  Yet, as his parents, we have to keep our cool and attempt to be the role model he is demanding we be.

Save your kids: I hope they rearrange your life and it is what it is- most of the time there is no solution.  Let them go through their stages so they complete them as they should.  It’s all important.  We wonder “what’s wrong with the world today?”, well, I can say this much- parents who place themselves before their children on a regular basis!  That’s what!

It’s interesting how life unfolds before you at times.  During various periods of my life, when I pay attention, the world somehow is trying to get a message through to me.  What is that all about anyway?  You know, when thoughts pop into your head, pushing you into a particular direction.  Then you notice more and more hints.  Then, before you know it, you’ve made a life change or a major decision.  For me it was Buddha.  ”Oh, no”- you may be thinking,  ”where is she going with all this?”

My husband’s parents took him to church regularly throughout his childhood.  Mine did not.  I did however, go through a stage in my life where I was very interested in the Bible and religion.  I wanted to explore my options, so to say.  I really wanted it to click within me.  It did not.  Maybe it’s the scientific side of my personality (which is very strong), or the lack of exposure as a child.  I have no answer as to why it never felt right to me.  Just as I have no answer as to why it is right for others.  Yet I very much respect other’s right to believe what they wish.

I have always felt certain ways about how we, as people, should behave in the world.  How we should take time to smell the flowers, be kind to others, appreciate your loved ones every day, live from moment to moment.  Now, as I approach 40, my husband and I simultaneously- without really realizing it- stumbled onto Buddhism.  We have always known its principles, history, belief system, etc- yet somehow, for some reason, it is very much staring us in the face.  Tapping us on the shoulder. We aren’t hanging prayer flags, building an alter, or going to a buddhist temple, but the teachings are really becoming meaningful to us.  Us as a family.

So in some random way- or maybe not so random- this path placed itself in front of us!  I am excited about this as a parent. Whether you’re Buddhist or not- there are some wonderful teachings that all children can benefit from.  Here is an example:

Mindfulness.  There are a variety of descriptions, but to simplify it is living moment to moment.  Focusing on breathing, allowing thoughts to flow freely without judgement, keeping your body calm.  Paying attention to literally each moment. Noticing your surroundings.  This is commonly associated with yoga and Buddhist meditation, yet it is a great skill to teach children.  Very calming, and assists with accountability and thinking before doing concepts.  And personally, I think yoga and meditation are a wonderful option for children as well- again- regardless of your denomination.

Making good choices.  Cause and effect.  Karma.  Whatever you’d like to call it, the simple and truthful concept that the choices you make lead to your actions, which inevitably can and will effect someone.  What effect do you want to cause in the world?

Love and Compassion.  Be kind.  I have found, in sometimes the most unexpected moments, when I have extended kindness to someone, and they were in such need of that extension of love.  A scowled, grumpy, pain filled face turned into an outpouring of appreciation or love in return.  You never know what someone may be going through- even the road rager.  You just cannot judge.

There is a wonderful book, regardless of your religious preference, it is such a beautiful book!

“Buddha At Bedtime: Tales of Love and Wisdom for you to Read With Your Child At Bedtime to Enchant, Enlighten, and Inspire” By Dharmachari Nagaraja.

When you become a parent, you find yourself enthusiastically encouraging your children with every milestone.  From their first step, first word, and every cute thing they do.  Then, when they enter toddlerhood, begins the balance of discipline and encouragement (or positive reinforcement).  Occasionally our almost 4 year old son will seek congratulations for something he has mastered a long time ago.  He has been regressing a bit in behavior, which I feel is a normal response to having an infant sister.  He sees her being praised and encouraged for small accomplishments (which are big for her), and wishes for the same attention.  When he does not receive it, he acts out.

We tend to be “strict” in the sense that we do not accept nor tolerate certain behaviors in our (almost) 4 year old.  He has certain expectations, which are age appropriate.  When he spirals out of control we immediately address this behavior.  As mentioned in previous posts, we use a technique of taking away an experience or a beloved toy.  It has worked very well.  My husband and I always reinforce to our son that his choices and behavior are important.  Communicating how you feel or what you think are also important.  Yesterday, for example, when he began his downward spiral, he stopped himself.  He explained to me that he was angry, and feeling frustrated.  This was great!  I complimented him for the strength it took to calm himself down and express how he was feeling.  I explained that I knew that was really hard to do.  Then I said “Well, now that you have told me what’s on your mind, we can figure out how to work through this.”  He felt very good for having talked through his “troubles” rather than engaging in bad behavior and being punished.

The journey of praise and punishment is hard for parents, as I am finding out first hand.  During this process, I have been thinking about how many parents will blindly praise their children in the hopes of building high self-esteem in their child.  I understand this, yet I found myself questioning “What good does a bloated self-image provide anyone?”  I have met enough people in my life that are full of themselves for no reason, and don’t find it helps them one bit, nor do I want to be around them!

My thoughts then turned toward “What is self-esteem?”  In my opinion it is holding oneself in high regard.  Well, how can one do that without proof in the pudding?

I then realized, it’s not about self-esteem.  Self-esteem in itself is dangerous.  There is something much more important.

Self-respect.

I began having discussions with my son about respect.  Self-respect is the process of having a relationship with yourself in which you want to make good choices for yourself, which in turn builds a feeling of security and trust within yourself.  This reflects to the outward world, which is very important.  When I have met people who have a reputation of being “good decision makers” or “solid” I tend to pick up on their trustworthy nature, as do most people. This quality, then fosters an individual who has more inner happiness (a self-esteem of trusting themselves).   I explained to my son that this is a life process, not something you achieve in one day.  Yes, it’s kind of a heavy subject for a 4 year old, but he got the idea.

Thanks to research, such as the Human Genome Project, scientists are learning every day how or genes effect us.  They have discovered that there is a gene for disorders such as Bipolar Disorder or Addiction.  Depression for example, which they “think” is genetic, can also be a learned behavior.  For example, if a child has a parent with depression, they may mimic their behavior which literally “wires their brain” chemically to develop the disorder themselves.

The case of a Florida woman, Terri Shiavo, brought much attention to what we know about the brain.  She suffered a cardiac arrest and was revived, yet it resulted in extensive death to portions of her brain.  She was in a permanent vegetative state which in her case she could not comunicate, move voluntarily, experience thought or emotion.  She was kept alive by a feeding tube.  Her husband spent many years providing her with every therapy available, with no improvement.  Finally he requested her feeding tube be removed, and for years fought her parents in court.  Her parents wished she be kept alive.  They were not convinced of her lack of comprehension.  The courts eventually sided on the husband’s plea, but the case brought much debate in religious communities, scientific ones, and legal issues.  What do we really know about the brain.

Progress is slow, but they have discovered that even our personality traits are determined by our genes, in the womb.  As we develop in the fetal stage our personalities are developing.  When we are born, we have traits immediately.  This is a relief for us parents on some level.  It shows us that there are simply some aspects of who are children become that we have no control over.  What we CAN do is provide our children with the best possible tools to accentuate the positive tendencies and cope with the negative ones.  We can provide our children with compassion too.  They didn’t choose those “naughty” genes any more than we chose to give them to our child.  :)

This knowledge also sheds light on people in your life.  Having acceptance for others, knowing that they are who they are at any given moment in part to their genes, part life experiences.  They deserve a little understanding for that too.  :)

When our now almost four year old son began gradually escalating his defiant behavior, I sought out some new techniques on modifying his behavior.  We try to integrate positive stuff.  We talk about taking a break, calming down.  We use breathing techniques and even show him yoga (which he finds fascinating).  Not that we expect him to practice these things in a three year old, but it’s the awareness of one’s self.  Taking a moment to stop.  Something we all need to do in our fast-paced world.

Yet I was seeking something effective to teach our son to make good choices, to think about his actions before following through.  Then, to recognize a poor choice as just that- not being considered a “bad boy” but that he simply made a poor choice which may have a consequence.  So, how in the world do you mold and shape their behavior without side effects?

Those darn “reward charts” or “good behavior charts” are in every book and TV show.  Well, feeling desperate one afternoon, I thought, why can’t we try this?  I made a highly simplistic chart full of squares.  He would earn one sticker, which would be placed in a square when he was behaving “outstandingly.”  Of course, I simplified the entire system so that our son would find it easy and fun.  My hope was to encourage good behavior.  He seemed to know right away what it was and expected there to be  a “prize” when the chart was filled with stickers.

After a day of working our “chart” I began to contemplate.  Isn’t this feeding the materialism?  Life doesn’t always reward you for making the right choice, or behaving nicely.  Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest choice!  So why would we want to teach our son that he get’s something special for working hard and being “good”?  Was I over-thinking?  Still, this nagged at me.  What was the right solution?

The next day I had a parent-teacher meeting at my son’s school.  Yes, he is only three, but he attends a wonderful little school, and his teacher likes to meet with the parents to discuss the student’s progress, etc.  I respect his teacher very much, and often ask for tips on just these topics.  I explained to her our little chart, and that despite how excited he was, I felt like his behavior wasn’t genuine, it was motivated by that dangling piece of cheese.  She agreed, and immediately pointed out what had been bothering me:  life doesn’t always reward you for good behavior.  I simply refuse to encourage the “want” in myself or my children.

She shared a story with me about her daughter.  When she had been making VERY bad choices, she took away an “experience,” which at the time was Disney On Ice which her daughter had so badly wanted to go to.  They didn’t go.  The feeling of loss was real.  It commanded reflection.  Of course, with a three year old it must be on a more simple scale.  She added that when we use a “reward” system as a means of modifying our children’s behavior, they become locked in to the “reward.”  They no longer want to do well for themselves, but for the reward.  As they get older, the reward gets bigger (clothes, cars) for less achievement.

So this last weekend, we explained the system.  If he made good choices then he could go to the park or the pool to swim with Daddy and so on.  He made wildly bad choices all weekend.  His weekend of fun was quickly squashed.  REALLY bad choices (O.K. downright being naughty) landed him at home doing nothing all that fun.  Naturally I began to wonder if this was a good option either because would he ever earn his trips to the pool and park, etc?  Then something amazing happened today.  When I was just about to lose hope that we still hadn’t found a good way to guide his behavior, he came up to me.

“Mommy, I want to make good choices because then I can go to the pool and the park!  Those are surprises!!!!!”  For the remainder of the day he DID make good choices.  And guess who earned a trip to the pool for fun!  I told him how proud I was of him for helping to make it a great day.  He told me later that he saw that when he was “being bad” it made him feel bad.  He didn’t want to be mean to his sister or to me.  Plus it was a great relief that something in his head shifted and he now looked at the fun outings as “surprises.”  I explained that even though making a good choice can be hard sometimes, you usually feel good about yourself because of it.  And that’s a big deal.

Any thoughts?

Monsters have become our household friends.  Yes, monsters.  Around the age of 2, monsters seem to creep into the hearts, souls, and minds of little ones.  I often wonder why that is. Where do they get this monster knowledge?  Why is it so universally experienced?

Regardless, from early on we took the path of “Oh!  Monsters are not scary!  They might LOOK scary, but they are just big lonely creatures that need friends.  Give them a hug and you will have a friend for life.”  We don’t want to discredit the seriousness of their existence, but sometimes we do add with a whisper “They’re not real sweetie, their just in our imagination….”

It has turned into a great way to teach about empathy and understanding as well.  For example, if someone looks scary, or different, that doesn’t make them a monster, they just aren’t the same as you or me.  Wouldn’t it be sad if someone was treated badly because they had a scar on their cheek or couldn’t walk.

This monster business has been an ongoing tool to teach a variety of subject of human nature.  It’s been quite amusing to observe the evolution of it.  In fact, it has been a positive thing for a long time now.  Monsters are rarely a negative thing in our house now.  When Goblin #1 sees one on TV he says “Oh, poor monster, he needs a hug.”

Yet don’t get me wrong, we acknowledge the darker side of human nature too.  The whole concept in our house is a “bad person.”  And again, we emphasize that they may not mean to be “bad” they need encouragement to be good.  And sometimes there isn’t anything we can do to help someone, and that is ok too.

This might be deep stuff, but based on so much bully research these days, “they” say that bullying begins as early as 2 years old.   The foundation can be set, and parents ignore it until it’s a more obvious issue in middle school.  We have decided to place a bit of emphasis on how, at school, it is Goblin #1′s responsibility to be a good example, be kind, treat people like he would like to be treated (or how he would treat his sister, whom he loves dearly).

So, Monsters have evolved into an excellent opportunity to teach our little ones about differences, social skills, social responsibility, and confronting fears.  I’ve truly realized that this window of birth-3 years is monumental for the development of their core person.  Their spirituality, emotional health, physical habits, social connectedness.

There are some great resources for fostering positive Monsters in your household:

DVD:  ”Goodnight Moon & Other Sleepy Time Tales” is an amazing video, which has an animated tale called “There’s A Monster In My Closet” which is narrated by Billy Chrystal.  Perfect for shedding light on how monsters just need a hug.

Movie:  ”The Gruffalo” is a short film, beautifully made, catches the attention of even the most picky viewers, about a mouse who meets a “Gruffalo” and learns to confront his fears.  Turns out the Gruffalo is just as scared as everyone else.

Book:  ”My Monster Mama Loves Me So” is a funny, fun book for young children which makes Monsters soft, cuddly, and fun.

Please visit my Products We Love Page to view or purchase these items.

Finally, adopt them a monster!  Print out a cute monster picture online, type out an “adoption” certificate, print, and give to your child that your family has adopted a monster in need.  :)  By adopting him, he will receive many hugs from someone special now.  Simple way to show that making effort to benefit others is important.

The subject of when to wean baby from night feedings seems to be an always popular topic among parents.  The hope of the parent is that by weaning, their little one will sleep more at night.  The answer is simple, yes if they are ready, no if they’re not. The trick is to put aside any fantasies you might have about a blissful 8 hours of sleep and analyze where your child is at regarding solids, teeth, and night feeding.

Age is the most important issue, in my opinion. A baby 10 months (IN MY OPINION) and younger should not be weaned from night feedings.  My most honest opinion….no child under 14 months should be night weaned.  Why?  Well, they need the calories.  I don’t care what any expert may recommend, babies are hard at work.  Growing, pushing teeth up, learning to walk, brains developing, learning language, and so on.  Breast milk and formula have everything they need, and is nutritionally perfectly balanced.  I supplement their diet with formula until they are about 15 months.  Plus, one bottle in the middle of the night for a 14 month old will help them sleep longer, which they need and also fill up that tummy with much needed liquid and calories.  They still need sleep and need calories.

First: does your baby really chow down on solids and  breast milk/formula during the day?

Yes?  This is good.  Fill them up.  You will spend much of your time during the day just feeding them or preparing food for them.

No?  Just a little (or no) solids and lots of milk still?  I absolutely would not wean a baby in this category from night feeding. Have a night-time “snacker”?  Consider co-sleeping- safely of course.  This is a short time of their life and how we feed them and their experiences at night are extremely important to their psychological development (in my opinion).  Encourage solids 3-5 times a day (developmentally appropriate ones of course), and if they don’t have any teeth yet, it might be a slower process.  Our youngest finally has her first tooth at 10 months.

Second: what kind of sleeper are they?

Great sleeper?  Weaning will be easy, and if they sleep well for long periods at night they may need one bottle at night.  If they are a great sleeper for 5-7 hours at night, they should make it all night without a bottle.

Bad sleeper?  Always taking sips from the bottle but are 9 months….yet will sleep for 10 hours with bottles?  Keep feeding the bottle.  Up a lot at night and doesn’t want to go back to sleep?  Shorten their naps during the day and load them up on food. These babies tend to sleep very well after weaning, but you cannot wean too soon!  Wait until they are eating plenty during the day, shorten their naps, and try weaning when they are 14 months.  If all else fails, co-sleeping a horrible sleeper works like magic.  These little ones are a bit more needy at night, they want to be cuddled.

Third: how do you wean?

Most likely you will know very clearly if your baby is ready.  Not if you’re ready.  You might not be ready to give up nighttime breast feeding.  You may be anxiously tapping your foot, sick and tired of getting up all night.  You must do it for the right reasons.  When your child is ready, and there is no reason to provide milk at night, go cold turkey.

They will cry, fuss, and be generally despondent for exactly one night.  Maybe two.  Then it’s over.

This doesn’t mean they won’t want a bottle during the day.  After 12 months, cow’s milk or breast milk/formula (or both) is perfectly healthy for them.  I feel that the final weaning of the bottle all together should be gradual and gentle.  They have an emotional connection with the process.  The bottle/breast is a bonding time, a source of nourishment, comfort, and even love. They love the closeness of their parent, and the cuddles.  Be gentle with the final weaning of daytime bottles/breast feeding.

Some “experts” believe that allowing to feed too long at night is spoiling and unnecessary, other experts claim it should go on as long as both parties are happy.  Once again, lets just find the “right” time for the child- a happy medium.  Having said all this, use your child as the ultimate guide, and try to avoid the “I’m so sick of getting up all night” ants in the pants.  Every time I as a parent have tried to rush something, it just makes it worse.

With my first born I thought it would never end and I was terrified to wean him from night feeding.  When I did, it was one night of slight upset and then it was over.  So easy, and I waited until I was certain he was ready.  It’s a big step for these little ones!

Finally, the above a opinions based on my personal experience as a mother of two.  Depending on your circumstances, consult your pediatrician if you need more information specific to your circumstances.  :)