Life With Goblins

This is a bit off of my normal topics of childrearing, however, it has shed new light on how to cope when a family member is unable to function due to being incapacitated.  I’ve found it quite interesting how all this is unfolding, and ways for everyone to cope.

I happily acknowledge that my role within our household is an important one.  I am “just” a stay-at-home mom (who also attends college), but the work I do is real, and the presence of a parent at home with the kids is an important one.  It’s hard work, but worth it.  It’s a sacrifice too.  My husband and I fantasize frequently about having two incomes again, down the road, but for now, we sacrifice.

Since I broke my leg two days ago, here are some observations & tips.

• If you’ve never broken a bone before, like me, I was shocked that it didn’t hurt (hardly at all)!  I know some breaks are realllly going to hurt, but my little fibula didn’t hurt.  But I definitely knew I was hurt.  When the bone snapped all I felt was a pop and heard a pop.  When I rolled over, my leg was sore, but I could move it.  It was the adrenaline and endorphins in my body that protected me from pain, and they did a good job.
• When you think you’ve really hurt yourself- DON’T MOVE.  Call 911 with as little movement as possible.  In my case, my sweet little boy grabbed my cell phone for me and I was able to make the calls I needed.
• Go straight to the emergency department.  You need to know what you’ve hurt, and what to do about it.  If you try to walk on it, or move around, you could be going from a mild fracture to needing surgery.  Bones are sharp when broken or if there are splinters.  You don’t want to bleed internally or damage ligaments, nerves, or muscle.  You will know when you’ve really hurt yourself.
• Do everything the doctors tell you to do.  Again, this prevents a delay in recovery and further damage.
• There are some things the doctors don’t tell you because they aren’t always that helpful or thorough.  If you’re taking pain killers- drink lots of water to help your kidneys flush out the meds so that you don’t end up overdosing or other problems.  Drink milk to help your bone heal.  Eat high in calcium foods- not supplements.  Supplements may cause kidney stones or other issues.  Rest.  Make every effort to get family and friends to help you at home.  If you have no one, ask the hospital where you can find help.  There are resources in every community.
• If you have children that you stay at home with- find a way to have people help you with the things you cannot do and DON’T try to do things you’re not supposed to.  JUST STAY PUT.  No excuses.
• Be mindful when you move around so that you don’t fall from crutches, etc.  Go slow, have someone with you, it’s not like you’re in a hurry.
• Set things up so you can take care of your basic needs, and your helpers only have to care for errands and children.  I have a bench set up for the shower.  A good ‘ole bench from the barn that is long enough that I sit on it from the outside of the shower, and scoot across into the shower.  YIPPY!  A SHOWER!  Plus we have a shower wand which will be very convenient.  I have a portable laundry bag that has all my “broken leg clothing” in it.  It’s easy for me to reach and has all my designated, easy to put on clothes so no one has to look for my stuff.  Get a backpack and put all your stuff in it.  Laptop, magazines, wallet, books, whatever keeps you entertained.  You can wear this from room to room when you switch resting locations.  Get a water contained that has a lid which you can carry in your backpack.
• Ice your injury for 20 minutes, 3-4 times per day.
• Elevate
• Move your injured limb often.  Not the injured site itself, but in my case- wiggle toes, go for “walks” through the house with the crutches, take care of yourself as much as possible or that is allowed.  This is not only healthy, but it will prevent bad things from happening like a DVT (Google it).  In other words- don’t just sit around eating Cheetos all day!
• Get non-slip socks for your good foot, or go barefoot (if you have a broken leg).
• Get lots of extra pillows- cheap on Amazon.com.
• Sign up for Amazon Prime service (free 2 day shipping on almost everything for about $80 a year).  You can get medical supplies, entertainment, even rent movies on your computer (many are free for Prime Members) fast and at your door without asking someone to get it for you.
• If you have people helping, make a list of the daily routine so they know how to help and to keep the kids on schedule. For us, despite how much our kids love the grandparents, our littlest is pretty upset about Mommy’s booboo.  Not only did she see it happen, but she’s generally pretty disgruntled about this disruption.  So try to do as much as you can with your kids, set up camp in the main living space if possible, during the day, so that you’re a part of all the action.  Plus this will motivate you to get better and to get off your duff.
• Demand sympathy from your caregivers.  It’s not easy being laid up, and it’s painful at times.  Going to the bathroom is an Olympic event, and taking a shower is enough to require a nap afterward.  They absolutely need to be patient, supportive, sympathetic, and loving.
• Notify people immediately if you might miss deadlines or appointments.  It’s not like you’re “busy” so get to it.  I took a picture of me in the ambulance and sent it to my professors.  They were very sympathetic and immediately gave me huge leniencies and it’s FINALS week!  They went out of their way to accommodate ME!  Really nice of them!  Cancel any and all other obligations for at least 3 weeks so you have time to get accustomed to the situation and demand less from your caregivers.  Stick with essentials.
• Find out about exercising your injured limb.  At each appointment, find out what you can do and can’t do.  It might be nothing more than wiggling toes for leg lifts, but you’re protecting joints & muscles that are supporting a lot more now. For example, my left hip is sore from hauling the orthopedic boot, and it probably was mildly twisted when I fell, so I asked about it.  My right leg is sore from supporting all my weight now.  Plus, you have to keep blood flowing to avoid complications- even if rare- can be dangerous.
• Eat prunes or drink prune juice to avoid constipation.  Also, a cup of coffee can help.  AND LOTS OF WATER.  EVEN IF YOU CAN’T STAND IT ANY MORE- DRINK.
• Try to take just Ibuprofen and avoid the narcotics.  Narcotics are addictive, and can be very quickly.  Ibuprofen at prescription strength works amazingly well.
• Don’t be afraid to boss your helpers around about the schedule.  Everyone needs to stay on task when there’s kids involved.  Is lunch made?  Kids showered?  Cue your helpers, keep people flowing to avoid chaos.  Break the day into sections- morning routine, afternoon, evening.  Don’t be afraid to send spouse back to work.  If they don’t need to be there because you have help, send them on their way.  It might be a big disruption initially after someone gets injured, but it’s time to carry on.  The less change in routine the better- for everyone.
• Get a disabled parking permit.  You’re going to have to take it reaaaal slow for at least 3-6 months, depending on your treatment.  I’m hoping for 3 until I am feeling pretty good.
• Finally, call your doctor if you need ANYTHING.  That’s what they’re there for.  Period.  If they aren’t willing to help you, take too long to get back to you, find a new one.

Yesterday morning, I was in a bit of a hurry.  We have a portable baby gate in our pantry to keep the dog in and the baby out. Long story short, I was on my way out of the pantry, stepped over the gate, my shoe caught the gate, and I fell, twisting my leg, resulting in a BROKEN FIBULA (which is the small bone in the back of your lower leg that runs from your knee to ankle). Since my leg twisted, the tension caused the bone to break.

So, I immediately flipped over, realized I was unable to move in any way.  My sweet almost 4 year old obtained my phone for me, so I was able to call my mom quickly to come over.  My little 1 year old comes to sit on my lap.  Then I called my husband’s mom to see if she could pick me up at the hospital later.  Then the 911 call to report I couldn’t get up and had hurt my leg.

Several hours later, with dear mother-in-law by my side, my diagnosis of a broken fibula and the necessity to follow up with the orthopedic surgeon ASAP.  They said there was a “possibility” I won’t need surgery.  Ugh.  Today we have the appointment to determine my fate to be under the knife or not- I’m hoping not as I am terrified of having surgery.  Yes, irrational fear, but it’s my one big phobia!

Then there’s the matter of the children—the laundry—-cooking—-cleaning—-groceries—errands—-hmmmmm.  WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!?!? Yes, I know, some husbands are very efficient at all of the above (we will just say, soooome).  So here we have “Nana” full time in our house now, and Grammy available at a moment’s notice.  Plus our brothers and their beloveds and even Grand Dad.

This is a tricky experience for me.  I have to sit.  Not because I am sick, or supposed to rest, but because I HAVE TO IN ORDER TO HEAL.  Sigh.  It’s kind of hard.  Crutches are no fun.  Thanks to a great friend I have fancy crutches that are making things much easier, like standing from sitting and softer on the armpits.

My husband’s mother brought me a walker on wheels and one with a basket.  I have plenty of options!  Getting up and down the stairs is tricky.  Scoot on your bottom, that’s the trick.

I’ve mastered the toilet- and even managed to wash my hair with our shower wand!  Nice!

Sweatpants for me to cut off one leg are on their way, as well as extra pillows to support my bum leg.

The good news- no surgery!  Removable cast for 4-6 weeks with no pressure on leg, then slowly try walking on it.

For now I am trying to look on the bright side.  Get some rest, catch up on some movies, take really good care of myself.

Anyone who has a break, I hear broccoli is great for helping heal broken bones.  They say calcium pills are bad as they can cause kidney stones!  So lots of milk and calcium fortified OJ, white meat only, sleep, and tons of water.  Lots of fruit & veggies.

I am sad that I can’t run & play with the kids, but I feel so lucky that our families are here to help!

Now all I need is a chair for the shower and I will be golden!  Only 4-6 weeks until I can try walking on it.  Ugh.

Any other parents out there survived a broken leg with a 15 month old and a 3 year old?

Thanks to research, such as the Human Genome Project, scientists are learning every day how or genes effect us.  They have discovered that there is a gene for disorders such as Bipolar Disorder or Addiction.  Depression for example, which they “think” is genetic, can also be a learned behavior.  For example, if a child has a parent with depression, they may mimic their behavior which literally “wires their brain” chemically to develop the disorder themselves.

The case of a Florida woman, Terri Shiavo, brought much attention to what we know about the brain.  She suffered a cardiac arrest and was revived, yet it resulted in extensive death to portions of her brain.  She was in a permanent vegetative state which in her case she could not comunicate, move voluntarily, experience thought or emotion.  She was kept alive by a feeding tube.  Her husband spent many years providing her with every therapy available, with no improvement.  Finally he requested her feeding tube be removed, and for years fought her parents in court.  Her parents wished she be kept alive.  They were not convinced of her lack of comprehension.  The courts eventually sided on the husband’s plea, but the case brought much debate in religious communities, scientific ones, and legal issues.  What do we really know about the brain.

Progress is slow, but they have discovered that even our personality traits are determined by our genes, in the womb.  As we develop in the fetal stage our personalities are developing.  When we are born, we have traits immediately.  This is a relief for us parents on some level.  It shows us that there are simply some aspects of who are children become that we have no control over.  What we CAN do is provide our children with the best possible tools to accentuate the positive tendencies and cope with the negative ones.  We can provide our children with compassion too.  They didn’t choose those “naughty” genes any more than we chose to give them to our child.  :)

This knowledge also sheds light on people in your life.  Having acceptance for others, knowing that they are who they are at any given moment in part to their genes, part life experiences.  They deserve a little understanding for that too.  :)

When our now almost four year old son began gradually escalating his defiant behavior, I sought out some new techniques on modifying his behavior.  We try to integrate positive stuff.  We talk about taking a break, calming down.  We use breathing techniques and even show him yoga (which he finds fascinating).  Not that we expect him to practice these things in a three year old, but it’s the awareness of one’s self.  Taking a moment to stop.  Something we all need to do in our fast-paced world.

Yet I was seeking something effective to teach our son to make good choices, to think about his actions before following through.  Then, to recognize a poor choice as just that- not being considered a “bad boy” but that he simply made a poor choice which may have a consequence.  So, how in the world do you mold and shape their behavior without side effects?

Those darn “reward charts” or “good behavior charts” are in every book and TV show.  Well, feeling desperate one afternoon, I thought, why can’t we try this?  I made a highly simplistic chart full of squares.  He would earn one sticker, which would be placed in a square when he was behaving “outstandingly.”  Of course, I simplified the entire system so that our son would find it easy and fun.  My hope was to encourage good behavior.  He seemed to know right away what it was and expected there to be  a “prize” when the chart was filled with stickers.

After a day of working our “chart” I began to contemplate.  Isn’t this feeding the materialism?  Life doesn’t always reward you for making the right choice, or behaving nicely.  Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest choice!  So why would we want to teach our son that he get’s something special for working hard and being “good”?  Was I over-thinking?  Still, this nagged at me.  What was the right solution?

The next day I had a parent-teacher meeting at my son’s school.  Yes, he is only three, but he attends a wonderful little school, and his teacher likes to meet with the parents to discuss the student’s progress, etc.  I respect his teacher very much, and often ask for tips on just these topics.  I explained to her our little chart, and that despite how excited he was, I felt like his behavior wasn’t genuine, it was motivated by that dangling piece of cheese.  She agreed, and immediately pointed out what had been bothering me:  life doesn’t always reward you for good behavior.  I simply refuse to encourage the “want” in myself or my children.

She shared a story with me about her daughter.  When she had been making VERY bad choices, she took away an “experience,” which at the time was Disney On Ice which her daughter had so badly wanted to go to.  They didn’t go.  The feeling of loss was real.  It commanded reflection.  Of course, with a three year old it must be on a more simple scale.  She added that when we use a “reward” system as a means of modifying our children’s behavior, they become locked in to the “reward.”  They no longer want to do well for themselves, but for the reward.  As they get older, the reward gets bigger (clothes, cars) for less achievement.

So this last weekend, we explained the system.  If he made good choices then he could go to the park or the pool to swim with Daddy and so on.  He made wildly bad choices all weekend.  His weekend of fun was quickly squashed.  REALLY bad choices (O.K. downright being naughty) landed him at home doing nothing all that fun.  Naturally I began to wonder if this was a good option either because would he ever earn his trips to the pool and park, etc?  Then something amazing happened today.  When I was just about to lose hope that we still hadn’t found a good way to guide his behavior, he came up to me.

“Mommy, I want to make good choices because then I can go to the pool and the park!  Those are surprises!!!!!”  For the remainder of the day he DID make good choices.  And guess who earned a trip to the pool for fun!  I told him how proud I was of him for helping to make it a great day.  He told me later that he saw that when he was “being bad” it made him feel bad.  He didn’t want to be mean to his sister or to me.  Plus it was a great relief that something in his head shifted and he now looked at the fun outings as “surprises.”  I explained that even though making a good choice can be hard sometimes, you usually feel good about yourself because of it.  And that’s a big deal.

Any thoughts?

Monsters have become our household friends.  Yes, monsters.  Around the age of 2, monsters seem to creep into the hearts, souls, and minds of little ones.  I often wonder why that is. Where do they get this monster knowledge?  Why is it so universally experienced?

Regardless, from early on we took the path of “Oh!  Monsters are not scary!  They might LOOK scary, but they are just big lonely creatures that need friends.  Give them a hug and you will have a friend for life.”  We don’t want to discredit the seriousness of their existence, but sometimes we do add with a whisper “They’re not real sweetie, their just in our imagination….”

It has turned into a great way to teach about empathy and understanding as well.  For example, if someone looks scary, or different, that doesn’t make them a monster, they just aren’t the same as you or me.  Wouldn’t it be sad if someone was treated badly because they had a scar on their cheek or couldn’t walk.

This monster business has been an ongoing tool to teach a variety of subject of human nature.  It’s been quite amusing to observe the evolution of it.  In fact, it has been a positive thing for a long time now.  Monsters are rarely a negative thing in our house now.  When Goblin #1 sees one on TV he says “Oh, poor monster, he needs a hug.”

Yet don’t get me wrong, we acknowledge the darker side of human nature too.  The whole concept in our house is a “bad person.”  And again, we emphasize that they may not mean to be “bad” they need encouragement to be good.  And sometimes there isn’t anything we can do to help someone, and that is ok too.

This might be deep stuff, but based on so much bully research these days, “they” say that bullying begins as early as 2 years old.   The foundation can be set, and parents ignore it until it’s a more obvious issue in middle school.  We have decided to place a bit of emphasis on how, at school, it is Goblin #1′s responsibility to be a good example, be kind, treat people like he would like to be treated (or how he would treat his sister, whom he loves dearly).

So, Monsters have evolved into an excellent opportunity to teach our little ones about differences, social skills, social responsibility, and confronting fears.  I’ve truly realized that this window of birth-3 years is monumental for the development of their core person.  Their spirituality, emotional health, physical habits, social connectedness.

There are some great resources for fostering positive Monsters in your household:

DVD:  ”Goodnight Moon & Other Sleepy Time Tales” is an amazing video, which has an animated tale called “There’s A Monster In My Closet” which is narrated by Billy Chrystal.  Perfect for shedding light on how monsters just need a hug.

Movie:  ”The Gruffalo” is a short film, beautifully made, catches the attention of even the most picky viewers, about a mouse who meets a “Gruffalo” and learns to confront his fears.  Turns out the Gruffalo is just as scared as everyone else.

Book:  ”My Monster Mama Loves Me So” is a funny, fun book for young children which makes Monsters soft, cuddly, and fun.

Please visit my Products We Love Page to view or purchase these items.

Finally, adopt them a monster!  Print out a cute monster picture online, type out an “adoption” certificate, print, and give to your child that your family has adopted a monster in need.  :)  By adopting him, he will receive many hugs from someone special now.  Simple way to show that making effort to benefit others is important.

I noticed a headline the other day about the reality star mom, Kate Goslin, taking a new job blogging about coupon usage, or how to save your family money through cutting coupons.
This came during a time when I had caught an episode of Anderson (as in Cooper) which highlighted coupons & Costco shopping.  Thankfully Anderson Cooper had a realistic take on coupon shopping, however I get the feeling we won’t be able to rely on Ms. Goslin for the same effort….it would be nice if a really great company would approach this mom for a job with some seriousness to help her support her 8 (I think) kids since the dad is….well, not really so great.  (Then again, have 8+ kids might push anyone over the edge!).  Anyway….

Thus, my thoughts had been pondering the issue, especially after my husband asked why we didn’t use coupons to get these so-called free groceries.

From my research & experience I can dispel the myth of free groceries through couponing. Most coupons are for the MOST unhealthy items in the supermarket.  Sugary cereals, instant on the stove top overly processed nasty junk that you add hamburger to, pastry type items, cookies, and most household products are still over the price of the generic brands even after the coupon.

So from my observation, and I’m begging someone to prove me wrong, you’re buying some of the most highly processed foods known to man to feed your family.  Preservatives, unhealthy fats, high sodium, additives, fillers, etc.

So what is the best way to shop for groceries?

I’ll tell you, but there’s no easy way around it.  It will cost you money, and it should.  You’re paying for the nourishment of your loved ones.  HOW can we rationalize this as an area for cutting corners?

Children will want what you feed them, so feed them healthy food!  We owe that to them with our knowledge of obesity & health at this point in history.

QUALITY LOCAL MARKET:

First, buy produce, meat, and small quantity items at your local store.  Allot more funds to buy organic & local if available.

Prevent foodborne illness and wash all fruits & veggies well.  You CAN get e-coli  and Hepatitis-A from these items.

COSTCO OR CLUB STORE:

Become a member at a club store like Costco.  Many DO make honest efforts to support local farmers & make/sell products that are eco friendly.
Purchase laundry detergent, soaps, toilet paper, cleaning agents, and other items here. Even meat, many have organic meats which can be frozen.  You will save a fortune buying these items here.  I have slowly filtered one item at a time into my trips to Costco so that I never have to buy them all at once.  My list varies every time I go, so it’s easy to budget.
Diapers are a steal at Costco.  They are practically free compared to if I had to purchase them through a regular retail shop.
If you find two or even three places to shop exclusively, and narrow down what to buy where, it will save you thousands a year.

Now for the coupons:

Costco, for example, has coupon books at the entrance, just ask for one.  Look through it each visit & select your items.

The grocery store we shop at has sale items marked with red tags, and I scan the shelves for what I need with a red tag.

It’s that simple.

Start by making a list of what you buy regularly, and go from there.  You might have to learn to try new brands, you might be very surprised!

Make several columns on your list:  Club Store, Local Market, Pharmacy (whatever).  Sort out the items you buy regularly into these columns (what you can buy cheapest where). Example, baby shampoo is almost always cheaper at the pharmacy.  Diapers, Costco. Produce, Costco for making jam, local market for every day use.  You get the idea.  If you make some effort, you will actually save some serious dough and still be purchasing healthy food for the family.

The subject of when to wean baby from night feedings seems to be an always popular topic among parents.  The hope of the parent is that by weaning, their little one will sleep more at night.  The answer is simple, yes if they are ready, no if they’re not. The trick is to put aside any fantasies you might have about a blissful 8 hours of sleep and analyze where your child is at regarding solids, teeth, and night feeding.

Age is the most important issue, in my opinion. A baby 10 months (IN MY OPINION) and younger should not be weaned from night feedings.  My most honest opinion….no child under 14 months should be night weaned.  Why?  Well, they need the calories.  I don’t care what any expert may recommend, babies are hard at work.  Growing, pushing teeth up, learning to walk, brains developing, learning language, and so on.  Breast milk and formula have everything they need, and is nutritionally perfectly balanced.  I supplement their diet with formula until they are about 15 months.  Plus, one bottle in the middle of the night for a 14 month old will help them sleep longer, which they need and also fill up that tummy with much needed liquid and calories.  They still need sleep and need calories.

First: does your baby really chow down on solids and  breast milk/formula during the day?

Yes?  This is good.  Fill them up.  You will spend much of your time during the day just feeding them or preparing food for them.

No?  Just a little (or no) solids and lots of milk still?  I absolutely would not wean a baby in this category from night feeding. Have a night-time “snacker”?  Consider co-sleeping- safely of course.  This is a short time of their life and how we feed them and their experiences at night are extremely important to their psychological development (in my opinion).  Encourage solids 3-5 times a day (developmentally appropriate ones of course), and if they don’t have any teeth yet, it might be a slower process.  Our youngest finally has her first tooth at 10 months.

Second: what kind of sleeper are they?

Great sleeper?  Weaning will be easy, and if they sleep well for long periods at night they may need one bottle at night.  If they are a great sleeper for 5-7 hours at night, they should make it all night without a bottle.

Bad sleeper?  Always taking sips from the bottle but are 9 months….yet will sleep for 10 hours with bottles?  Keep feeding the bottle.  Up a lot at night and doesn’t want to go back to sleep?  Shorten their naps during the day and load them up on food. These babies tend to sleep very well after weaning, but you cannot wean too soon!  Wait until they are eating plenty during the day, shorten their naps, and try weaning when they are 14 months.  If all else fails, co-sleeping a horrible sleeper works like magic.  These little ones are a bit more needy at night, they want to be cuddled.

Third: how do you wean?

Most likely you will know very clearly if your baby is ready.  Not if you’re ready.  You might not be ready to give up nighttime breast feeding.  You may be anxiously tapping your foot, sick and tired of getting up all night.  You must do it for the right reasons.  When your child is ready, and there is no reason to provide milk at night, go cold turkey.

They will cry, fuss, and be generally despondent for exactly one night.  Maybe two.  Then it’s over.

This doesn’t mean they won’t want a bottle during the day.  After 12 months, cow’s milk or breast milk/formula (or both) is perfectly healthy for them.  I feel that the final weaning of the bottle all together should be gradual and gentle.  They have an emotional connection with the process.  The bottle/breast is a bonding time, a source of nourishment, comfort, and even love. They love the closeness of their parent, and the cuddles.  Be gentle with the final weaning of daytime bottles/breast feeding.

Some “experts” believe that allowing to feed too long at night is spoiling and unnecessary, other experts claim it should go on as long as both parties are happy.  Once again, lets just find the “right” time for the child- a happy medium.  Having said all this, use your child as the ultimate guide, and try to avoid the “I’m so sick of getting up all night” ants in the pants.  Every time I as a parent have tried to rush something, it just makes it worse.

With my first born I thought it would never end and I was terrified to wean him from night feeding.  When I did, it was one night of slight upset and then it was over.  So easy, and I waited until I was certain he was ready.  It’s a big step for these little ones!

Finally, the above a opinions based on my personal experience as a mother of two.  Depending on your circumstances, consult your pediatrician if you need more information specific to your circumstances.  :)

Recently, our three year old son has been a little aggressive towards his favorite people (grandparents, parents and even beloved sister).  Nothing major, just some light hitting, scowling faces, doesn’t want to cuddle, generally a grump.  He has been very determined and generally defiant.

This has been subtle, yet obvious.  I know this is a normal stage, but I had not understood what it actually meant.  He is going through the “I don’t need them, yes I do need them” stage.  Becoming his own person.  Development of his independence as an individual.  Struggling with the departure of the baby stage and the admission into the child stage.  Ugh.  How sad.  Yet also has some perks.  He dress himself, feed himself, toilet himself, sleep through the night (12 hours, yay!), and so on.  It’s nice as a parent, after three years of tending to his every need, to have a little less weight to carry around (literally and figuratively).

Last weekend my husband spent over an hour in the kitchen with him making dinner.  Little Goblin was very happy with this. I’ve noticed that with allowing him to watch is often all he needs to feel like a “big boy” feeding his curiosity about things.  He also needs that “love” from everyone, despite the fact he isn’t as keen on cuddling anymore.  I make time to ask for a kiss, give hugs, tell him how much I love him.

I wonder what is from here.  He’s learning to write letters at school, curious about telling time, and desiring more time with his friends (having friends over).  It seems so young to me, that at three years old, they truly desire to begin the process of self-discovery, emotional independence, and social independence as well.

The amazing thing about children is that it seems their “nature” exists from day one.  Almost as though it’s predetermined. As parents we have little influence over this “core” of who they are.  There are many theories in our world about this subject matter, and I am casting them aside to note my observation as a parent.  My son has the same “core” personality now that he did as a baby.  Baby Goblin is showing the same evidence that they have a built in manner in which their brain functions that gives them this “personality” from day one.  So the parental role is to help shape this core into as happy/healthy as a human that we can.  Yet when it comes right down to it, certain traits we will have absolutely no control over or ability to change within them.

In my last post, I mentioned the “Slow Family” movement.  Silly that this should be a “movement” but it’s the concept of slowing down family life, and spending more time together.  The idea is that it fosters healthier relationships between kids and their elders, benefiting their future relationships and their general frame of mind.  The hope is by being a “slow family” these kids will have a more compassionate, globally concerned frame of mind as adults and some great childhood memories as well.  It’s a lifestyle and commitment.

Anyway, the timing of my thought on the “slow family” and Little Goblin’s sudden independence is kind of perfect.  An opportunity to integrate cooking family meals together, doing chores as a team, and fun stuff too.   We have a beautiful apple tree on our property.  It is PACKED this year with big beautiful red apples.  So, despite the energy required, (sigh), this weekend we are planning an apple cider/applesauce/halloween cookie decorating party of sorts.  Little Goblin’s cousins are coming to help, my mom is in charge of canning, the husband in charge of apple picking, and I am in charge of herding the children.  A team effort, yet packed with plenty of fun and some great childhood memories as well.  Of course the rest of the family can come too, but they don’t need to do any serious labor, just eat cookies.