Life With Goblins

We have been very fortunate, in the 4.5 years of parenthood we have clocked in thus far, to not have had to deal with the dreaded “stomach flu.”  Our kids have been hosts of colds and flus aplenty- but not the dreaded pukefest.  The stomach flu is not the flu, or a type of flu, rather it is in the family of Noroviruses.  These lovely little germs spread very quickly (usually oral/fecal) and especially love our kids as they are not the cleanliest group of humans.

In early December, our youngest, who is now two, threw up all over mommy.  A wonderful, projectile, spewed across the span of 3 feet right onto mommy’s lap.  Joy.  Merry Christmas.  ’Tis the season.  Jolly good times.  I hoped it was just the precursor to the common cold, as toddlers will often throw up before a cold sets in.  Instead, we had about 4 days of throwing up every 6 hours (which wasn’t so bad), and of course, a diarrhea diaper 1-2 times a day.

So for any first-timers out there, here are some tips.  First, this is one time it is actually good to go visit the good doctor.  You want to be sure it’s not something else.  For example, did they swallow a foreign object, is there a more worrisome virus in the community, appendicitis, etc.  The doctor can rule just about everything out from a simple exam.  Even touching base via phone is good.  When you have children who are too young to communicate their symptoms well, a doctor can provide a reassuring diagnosis.

Second, drape all your nice furniture in old blankets.  This will protect it from those quick projectile deliveries.  They will happen, trust me.  Roll up any rugs in the main play area as well.  It’s really not fun cleaning up puke.  If you have carpet, place old sheets wherever you can in the main area your child spends most of their time.  Keep in mind this is for the younger infant and toddler aged child who isn’t able to predict when they will vomit.  For a 3+ child, get a large bucket.  They can keep this close to them, and makes it easy to clean for you.  Our four year old son developed his symptoms about 3 days after his sister was over hers.  He was quite proud of his precision aiming into the bucket!

Keep them on a bland diet.  Bananas.  Cereal.  Crackers.  You get the idea.  To my surprise, our pediatrician said no water!  He said it can upset the stomach even more due to the minerals.  He also did not recommend the pediatric versions of gatorade.  He said they taste horrible and kids usually won’t drink them!  So he said just give them as much of adult sports drinks that they want.  So we did, and it kept them both happy and well hydrated.

At night time, since we co-sleep, on her side of the bed I placed a towel down and a sheet over it.  This would protect the bed and sheets from any incidents during the night.  I’d rather replace a towel that remake the entire bed.  I also placed a large sheet on her bedroom floor.  I was able to wake up as she woke up, and quickly move here there to puke than in the bed.  She refused to puke in a bucket, so old sheets were the only option.

Also, wash your hands A LOT.  Clean towels, sheets, clothes with Clorox2.  Clorox2 is a great laundry detergent as it will kill most bacteria and viruses, and it’s color safe.  Use hot water in the cycle.  Bleach the puke bucket after every puke.  This prevents mommy and daddy from getting it too!  We escaped it, thankfully.

Finally, give them lots of loves, keep a chart of the puking and pooping.  Also watch carefully for how often they urinate. Being aware of their hydration is very important.  Keep track of wet diapers and ask the older children to let you know when they urinate.  Dehydration can be dangerous.  Reassure them that we have all gone through this, it’s a normal part of life. That goes a long way, as does a sense of humor!  Our four year old loved the puke in the bucket game.  :-)

Thanks for reading! Remember, this too shall pass!

Disclaimer:  This article is based on my experience only and is not a replacement for advice from your physician.

Little Goblin Meets Squirrel

A little goblin lived in the hollow of a tree.

He stood a mere 2 feet tall.

He had a smile as big as his red hat.

He spent all his days busy working in the forest.

He carried his very important tools in his very important backpack.

He had a shovel, rake, small bucket, and many seeds for planting.

He would plant tree seeds, such as acorns.

He also planted ferns, and a variety of big beautiful bushes and berries.

His favorite seed to plant, however, was flower seeds.

He loved to see the flowers pop up in spring and summer.

One day, however, he was feeling very blue.

Not just blue, but kind of sad.

For he had encountered a grumpy raccoon who scolded him for being near his raccoon house.

The grumpy raccoon did not want the fern planted near his house.

This hurt Little Goblin’s feelings.

So there, Little Goblin sat, on his log, next to his tree which he lived inside of.

He didn’t feel like planting his seeds that day.

He heard a little scurry behind him.

It was a squirrel.

“Hello, Little Goblin!”  Exclaimed the cheerful squirrel.

“Hello…” Responded Little Goblin.  Sadness evident in his voice.

“Little Goblin, what is the matter?” Asked squirrel.

“I’m feeling kind of sad today.  I just wonder why I spend all day planting all these seeds.  What good does it do anyway?”  Little Goblin exclaimed, with defeat in his voice.

“WELL!  I can tell you what good it does!  Not only do you make our forests beautiful, but the trees you plant become homes for the birds and squirrels, the flowers you plant feed the bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds!  Then, when you have leftover seeds you give them to us for food!  Without you, Little Goblin, the forest wouldn’t exist at all!” the squirrel exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Really?  I do all that?” asked Little Goblin.

“Yes, Little Goblin, you do.  Never doubt how important your work is.”

Little Goblin had no idea how much he helped the forest and the animals in it.  This made him feel very good, and very humble.  He thought he should get right back to work, there was a lot to do!  ©Little Goblins 2012

I am a firm believer that babies and toddlers should be allowed night feedings until the 14-24 month range.  Yes, I know this means lost sleep for mum and dad- and many of those parents are already exhausted and stressed to their maximum capacity. My reasons include nutritional needs, biological drive, teething comfort, and bonding.

It seems many parents are eager to wean from night feedings as early as 4 months these days, and I have no idea how one would accomplish this.  Since I co-sleep with our little ones until they are ready for more independence (2ish), it is very easy for me to do night feedings.  No walking down a long dark hallway for me at night.

Through the journey of 2 kids, I have these observations and experiences.

Calories:  According to many pediatricians in our circle, a chubby baby/toddler is an important sign. When cold and flu season roles around, it can take just one nasty virus to shed those baby pounds, which is nature’s way of protecting them.  Back-up calories when they aren’t willing to eat or simply can’t because they’re so miserable.  Several pediatricians who I know have commented on how young babies and toddlers are so thin from weaning too soon (at night or all together).   It makes no difference if you’re breastfeeding or bottle, they need the calories.  They are also growing rapidly. Height, muscle, bone density, teeth are shifting, brain development, etc.  The first three years of a child’s life are the most crucial to their overall development- they need these calories.  Our pediatrician has been one for 30 years- he knows more about kids than any person or book I’ve encountered in my life- and he’s always right- with shocking accuracy.

Nutritional:  Toddlers can be picky eaters.  Formula or breast milk is packed with nutrition.  They need the vitamins and minerals.

Teething/Illness:  I have found that night feedings are a great way to soothe a grumpy, teething baby.  It’s comforting, and also reassuring to have mom or dad close during that painful time.  If your little one develops a cold or flu, it’s also a great way to keep them hydrated and the calories they need that they may be lacking due to lack of appetite from an illness.  My rule of thumb is the first 2 winters should be bottle/breast day and night at their request (set a schedule-you get my drift).  It makes those colds and flus much easier on everyone.

Biological Drive/Bonding:  Little ones need the closeness.  Why on earth would we want them to be pushed into solid foods/no night time feedings when they are so young?  Let them be babies! This is the time they get to gaze into your eyes, snuggle, feel safe and secure, and learn how to love another person.  It’s the time they get your undivided attention.  It’s supposed to be this way.  Babies and toddlers are programmed to wake up every 2-4 hours the first 2 years of life for this purpose and also as a built in biological reset button- keeps them breathing normally, etc.  Nature has designed babies the way they are for a reason.  When we attempt to alter that, it can lead to problems.

I know a couple who just had their first baby, and as usual, it’s a handful.  It seems like the first one keeps you up all day and night because, as first timers, the parents are bewildered by the experience of this new little life.  The little one is only sleeping 10-12 hours a day- much too little for a 5 month old.  Out of last resort they decided to try the “Ferber Method” (don’t get me started).  Fortunately, they didn’t have to do much, it was just a matter of them needing to go into their baby’s room and settle it again, rather than picking it up to feed it every time it stirred.  So everyone is getting a bit more sleep now.

I desperately wanted to just tell them- “It is what it is!  Stop trying to find a solution and accept that this is how babies are!” They keep you up at night, they make messes, they scream, they poop, some are fussy, they can ruin your social life, etc. Despite all of these things, it will pass.  Then you will enter a new stage.  It might be a nice stage, or worse yet.  You never know what they will send your way.

Our daughter, Goblin #2, is now 20 months and has been throwing screaming fits since she was 8 months old.  Actual temper tantrums.  Her scream can be so shrill that it’s physically painful to everyone in the room.  Lucky for her she’s super cute.  Finally, at 20 months, she is outgrowing it.  It’s like someone flipped a switch, and she just stopped.  She also stopped teething.  There’s usually a connection, to whatever stage they are in, and you simply have to remember: it will pass.  Yet so often “these days” I see parents who don’t want having children to alter their “lifestyle” or feel compelled to “find a solution.”

Our now four year old has been going through a horrible, and I mean horrible stage since last spring.  He is sassy, grumpy, and  has meltdowns.  The “terrible twos” finally got him.  Yet, this is the time he learns from us, that we love him and will establish the same boundary over and over and over again until it sinks into his psyche that there is the good choice and the bad choice.  Which one should I make?  Hopefully, he will learn to make the good ones.  Yet, as his parents, we have to keep our cool and attempt to be the role model he is demanding we be.

Save your kids: I hope they rearrange your life and it is what it is- most of the time there is no solution.  Let them go through their stages so they complete them as they should.  It’s all important.  We wonder “what’s wrong with the world today?”, well, I can say this much- parents who place themselves before their children on a regular basis!  That’s what!

It’s interesting how life unfolds before you at times.  During various periods of my life, when I pay attention, the world somehow is trying to get a message through to me.  What is that all about anyway?  You know, when thoughts pop into your head, pushing you into a particular direction.  Then you notice more and more hints.  Then, before you know it, you’ve made a life change or a major decision.  For me it was Buddha.  ”Oh, no”- you may be thinking,  ”where is she going with all this?”

My husband’s parents took him to church regularly throughout his childhood.  Mine did not.  I did however, go through a stage in my life where I was very interested in the Bible and religion.  I wanted to explore my options, so to say.  I really wanted it to click within me.  It did not.  Maybe it’s the scientific side of my personality (which is very strong), or the lack of exposure as a child.  I have no answer as to why it never felt right to me.  Just as I have no answer as to why it is right for others.  Yet I very much respect other’s right to believe what they wish.

I have always felt certain ways about how we, as people, should behave in the world.  How we should take time to smell the flowers, be kind to others, appreciate your loved ones every day, live from moment to moment.  Now, as I approach 40, my husband and I simultaneously- without really realizing it- stumbled onto Buddhism.  We have always known its principles, history, belief system, etc- yet somehow, for some reason, it is very much staring us in the face.  Tapping us on the shoulder. We aren’t hanging prayer flags, building an alter, or going to a buddhist temple, but the teachings are really becoming meaningful to us.  Us as a family.

So in some random way- or maybe not so random- this path placed itself in front of us!  I am excited about this as a parent. Whether you’re Buddhist or not- there are some wonderful teachings that all children can benefit from.  Here is an example:

Mindfulness.  There are a variety of descriptions, but to simplify it is living moment to moment.  Focusing on breathing, allowing thoughts to flow freely without judgement, keeping your body calm.  Paying attention to literally each moment. Noticing your surroundings.  This is commonly associated with yoga and Buddhist meditation, yet it is a great skill to teach children.  Very calming, and assists with accountability and thinking before doing concepts.  And personally, I think yoga and meditation are a wonderful option for children as well- again- regardless of your denomination.

Making good choices.  Cause and effect.  Karma.  Whatever you’d like to call it, the simple and truthful concept that the choices you make lead to your actions, which inevitably can and will effect someone.  What effect do you want to cause in the world?

Love and Compassion.  Be kind.  I have found, in sometimes the most unexpected moments, when I have extended kindness to someone, and they were in such need of that extension of love.  A scowled, grumpy, pain filled face turned into an outpouring of appreciation or love in return.  You never know what someone may be going through- even the road rager.  You just cannot judge.

There is a wonderful book, regardless of your religious preference, it is such a beautiful book!

“Buddha At Bedtime: Tales of Love and Wisdom for you to Read With Your Child At Bedtime to Enchant, Enlighten, and Inspire” By Dharmachari Nagaraja.

This last week we had a bit of a scare.  One evening, we kept smelling an odd odor, and could not determine where it was coming from.  Daddy Goblin had replaced a light fixture and we assumed there was an electrical issue, as it smelled just like a burning electrical smell.

We spent the entire evening trying to locate the source of the smell with no luck.  Then we noticed the outlets in our laundry room were not working, so we presumed it was a problem with the electricity in that room.  But still the smell persisted.  We debated calling the fire department, but since we had no other signs of concern, we thought we’d wait until morning and call the electrician.

Around 10pm I felt odd.  Woozy, abnormally sleepy, and a bit nauseous.  I was sleeping with Baby Goblin in her room.  I could smell that awful smell.  I knew something was wrong.  She was sleeping much more deeply than normal.  I felt odd.  I was just going to call for Daddy Goblin to contact the fire department when our Carbon Monoxide detector went off.  BEEP!  BEEP!  I knew what it was.  OMG.

Daddy Goblin ran downstairs.  I went to the balcony and he said the burner was on in the kitchen.  OMG.  At some point the burner on our propane stove had been on low, releasing CO2 into our home.  Either from dinner, the baby, it didn’t matter how.  We called 911, opened all the windows, and took the children outside.  The kids were fine.  Groggy, but fine.  The fire department came quickly and checked CO2 levels in the house, and thankfully the cold spring winds blew it out quickly.  The airing of the house only took minutes once we found the source of our poisoning.

Moral of the story, I am so grateful we had a CO2 detector in our home.  We COULD NOT figure out what was causing that smell, and the gas smelled different because it was being burned on the stove.  Lesson learned, and we will never repeat it. Wood burning stoves also release this toxic gas, as do some obvious offenders: BBQs, automobiles, propane operated equipment, propane heaters and ovens/stoves, kerosene operated equipment, and boat engines.

In the news it’s usually someone who is burning a BBQ in their home during a power outage or other seemingly ridiculous situation, but with us it was completely overlooked.  BUY A CO2 detector!!!

When you become a parent, you find yourself enthusiastically encouraging your children with every milestone.  From their first step, first word, and every cute thing they do.  Then, when they enter toddlerhood, begins the balance of discipline and encouragement (or positive reinforcement).  Occasionally our almost 4 year old son will seek congratulations for something he has mastered a long time ago.  He has been regressing a bit in behavior, which I feel is a normal response to having an infant sister.  He sees her being praised and encouraged for small accomplishments (which are big for her), and wishes for the same attention.  When he does not receive it, he acts out.

We tend to be “strict” in the sense that we do not accept nor tolerate certain behaviors in our (almost) 4 year old.  He has certain expectations, which are age appropriate.  When he spirals out of control we immediately address this behavior.  As mentioned in previous posts, we use a technique of taking away an experience or a beloved toy.  It has worked very well.  My husband and I always reinforce to our son that his choices and behavior are important.  Communicating how you feel or what you think are also important.  Yesterday, for example, when he began his downward spiral, he stopped himself.  He explained to me that he was angry, and feeling frustrated.  This was great!  I complimented him for the strength it took to calm himself down and express how he was feeling.  I explained that I knew that was really hard to do.  Then I said “Well, now that you have told me what’s on your mind, we can figure out how to work through this.”  He felt very good for having talked through his “troubles” rather than engaging in bad behavior and being punished.

The journey of praise and punishment is hard for parents, as I am finding out first hand.  During this process, I have been thinking about how many parents will blindly praise their children in the hopes of building high self-esteem in their child.  I understand this, yet I found myself questioning “What good does a bloated self-image provide anyone?”  I have met enough people in my life that are full of themselves for no reason, and don’t find it helps them one bit, nor do I want to be around them!

My thoughts then turned toward “What is self-esteem?”  In my opinion it is holding oneself in high regard.  Well, how can one do that without proof in the pudding?

I then realized, it’s not about self-esteem.  Self-esteem in itself is dangerous.  There is something much more important.

Self-respect.

I began having discussions with my son about respect.  Self-respect is the process of having a relationship with yourself in which you want to make good choices for yourself, which in turn builds a feeling of security and trust within yourself.  This reflects to the outward world, which is very important.  When I have met people who have a reputation of being “good decision makers” or “solid” I tend to pick up on their trustworthy nature, as do most people. This quality, then fosters an individual who has more inner happiness (a self-esteem of trusting themselves).   I explained to my son that this is a life process, not something you achieve in one day.  Yes, it’s kind of a heavy subject for a 4 year old, but he got the idea.

I have been back in school, slowly chipping away at my prerequisits for a nursing program.  My bad luck is that the credits from my degree are not accepted as too much time has passed.  I’ve found this policy the standard these days- I’m sure it’s a great way for colleges to make more money.

Regardless, I was dreading taking psychology again, as I’ve taken 300 level courses on the subject.  I knew it would be boring, yet I was hoping I might have a fun instructor.  It was boring, and my instructor unfortunately fit the stereotype of being a little crazy.  It was a moderately torturous class, but I managed.  (The broken leg got me out of the last week of class, so there’s another silver lining).  :)

So back to my subject.  A couple of interesting items came up in class which were “new” information.  First was the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual for Mental Disorders.  This gigantic book was developed in the format we now know during the 1980′s.  It was designed for psychiatrists to issue a diagnosis for “anything” and often times nothing!  It provides a code in which they may bill insurance, and with that diagnosis provides a suggested course of treatment.  There are many, many categories for simply “NOS”- NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED.  Now how in the world could NOS be a diagnosis.  Again, a way to place a label on someone, possible prescribe something, and of course- the way the psychiatrist gets paid from insurance.

If your speculations are like mine, you might be thinking to yourself what a scam this is.  I agree with you.

I understand the need for a streamlined method of psychiatrists to bill to the ever-impossible insurance companies here in the U.S., however, it seems we are headed down a slippery slope.  People lose their children over these casually diagnosed labels, their employers can judge them for it, not to mention the problems with medications (which we will touch on in a minute). The good news is, my instructor implied that many, many psychiatrists take it with a grain of salt and many even shun this gigantic book.  If you glance through one, you might be able to diagnose yourself with any of these mental disorders on any given day, depending on the mood your in!

The same time this “bible of psychiatry” was being developed into the current format, psychiatrists were desprately seeking ways to “treat” their patients with medications.  They were doctors, and wanted more options to “treat,” and “cure.”  Then came the wave of modern psychiatric drugs.  You probably have heard of them: prozac, wellbutrin, etc.

According to the Citizens Commission on Human Rights,

“Prescribed for everything from learning and behavioral problems, to bedwetting, aggression, juvenile delinquency, criminality, drug addiction and smoking, to handling the fears and problems of our elderly, from the cradle to the grave, we are bombarded with information pushing us towards this type of chemical “fix.””  (http://www.cchr.org/cchr-reports/psychiatry/introduction.html, 1).

Here’s that slippery slope.

Many of these medications are being pushed through the FDA very quickly.  Then what happens?  We are, after all, experimenting with people’s brains.  Let’s investigate.

I hate to quote heavily in any writing that I do, but again, this piece by the Citizens Commission on Human Rights lays out my point clearly:

Little surprise then that worldwide statistics show that a rapidly increasing percentage of every age group, from children to the elderly, rely heavily and routinely on these drugs in their daily lives. Global sales of antidepressants, stimulants, antianxiety and antipsychotic drugs have reached more than $76 billion a year—more than double the annual US government budget spent on the war against drugs.

Authors Richard Hughes and Robert Brewin, in their book, The Tranquilizing of America,warned that although psychotropic drugs may appear “to ‘take the edge off’ anxiety, pain, and stress, they also take the edge off life itself…these pills not only numb the pain but numb the whole mind.” In fact, close study reveals that none of them can cure, all have horrific side effects, and due to their addictive and psychotropic (mind-altering) properties, all are capable of ruining a person’s life.

Consider also the fact that terrorists have used psychotropic drugs to brainwash young men to become suicide bombers. At least 250,000 children worldwide, some as young as seven, are being used for terrorist and revolutionary activities and given amphetamines and tranquilizers to go on “murderous binges” for days. Yet these are the same drugs that psychiatrists are prescribing children for “learning” or “behavioral” problems.

Understanding society’s skyrocketing psychiatric drug usage is now even more critical than ever. Internationally, 54 million people are taking antidepressants known to cause addiction, violent and homicidal behavior.

If that isn’t worrisome enough, the National Mental Health Institute claims (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/ publications/mental-health-medications/complete-index.shtml, 2):

In 2005, the FDA decided to adopt a “black box” warning label—the most serious type of warning—on all antidepressant medications. The warning says there is an increased risk of suicidal thinking or attempts in children and adolescents taking antidepressants. In 2007, the FDA proposed that makers of all antidepressant medications extend the warning to include young adults up through age 24.

The warning also says that patients of all ages taking antidepressants should be watched closely, especially during the first few weeks of treatment. Possible side effects to look for are depression that gets worse, suicidal thinking or behavior, or any unusual changes in behavior such as trouble sleeping, agitation, or withdrawal from normal social situations. Families and caregivers should report any changes to the doctor. To find the latest information visit theFDA website.

I don’t want to be alarmist or a conspiracy theorist, but these are some issues that might need to be reexamined.  Should we be experimenting with people’s brains in this manner?  Yes, there are some who find enormous relief in their debilitating symptoms from these medications, but what about those who’s lives are ruined?  What about the new trend in diagnosing infants with bipolar disorder?

Call me simple minded, or even stupid, but I can’t help but wonder if a slower paced life, some rest, less stress, and a quality diet might go a long way for a lot of people.  As for those who have real issues with depression or other disorders- they deserve the right to medical treatment that is thoroughly researched with side effects known and anticipated with care.

My disclaimer:  PLEASE do not substitute my blog opinion for your own. If you have questions or concerns- contact your physician.  THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY.

Sources:

Citizens Commission on Human Rights, http://www.cchr.org/cchr-reports/psychiatry/introduction.html, 1

National Mental Health Institute, http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/ publications/mental-health-medications/complete-index.shtml, 2